For the past few years I have looked upon my life in chapters. Perhaps influenced by the organisation of what I believe to be one of life’s best things—books—I find it comforting to view different periods of my life as small, perceptible parts of a whole.
Like chapters of a book, the repository of chapters making up my life is formed through the collection of moments—those that share the theme of my life across a given quantum of time—into chapters which form the story of my life (in other words; many moments make up a chapter, and many chapters make up my life). Viewing each chapter through the lens of a particular theme has helped me immensely in making sense of my life at that time.
Some chapters flow pleasantly, the days merging together with no memorably-discernible margins; others are permeated with significant emotions and framed by explicitly strong feelings and emotions. Some chapters endure for a long time, whilst others feel as though a new page has been turned after only a short amount of time.
In recent years, many genres of chapters have filled the book of my life; from the ‘pursuing my Masters’ chapter (in which I fully immersed myself in uni life and consequently found myself living and breathing academia), to the ‘quiet life’ chapter (where I returned home to live with my parents and cat, and worked at my old summer holiday job to save for moving to Korea), and the chapter I am living now— my ‘life in Korea’ chapter.
Each chapter has brought a different essence of my life to the forefront, and framing it in this way reminds me that it is natural for different periods of my life to have different cornerstones. At the same time, I try and view chapters as a guide to my life—a supple notion—so even if what I’ve labelled the chapter infers a particular type of emotion or experience, I allow myself to be open to the notion that I will still experience many aspects of life beyond that particular theme. The name I give the chapter is really just an ideation—life ebbs and flows within each chapter regardless of its theme.
Humans are complex beings, and life is complex too. Many of my chapters are filled with lovely things: happy memories, wonderful experiences, and a general sense of contentment about life. But, as with anything in life, some chapters have not been so pleasant; I’ve experienced chapters permeated with difficult feelings like uncertainty and loneliness too. But it’s always comforting to know that even if a chapter is intrinsically difficult, whether it be because of emotions or experiences, there will always be nice things scattered throughout it.
Thinking about my life in chapters not only helps me make sense of the world during particular times of my life, but also reminds me that everything in life is temporary (in the best way possible). Knowing that everything in life passes by reminds me of two things: firstly, this chapter of my life will eventually evolve to a new chapter, so I should cherish it for what it is regardless of whether I feel good about the things happening or not. And secondly, this chapter is its own segment of my life; even if similar events come along later in life, it’s the only time I will get to experience it—that in itself makes it meaningful.
I have vague recollections of sporadically writing a diary throughout my childhood, but 2016 was the year I began journalling consistently. Although I can’t remember what prompted me to begin, I have more-or-less written my messy, sometimes arbitrary, and often deeply contemplative thoughts at least weekly since that time. In more recent years, I have come to find myself writing almost daily.
I initially used journalling as an outlet to write the thoughts, feelings, and experiences I encountered in my daily life. Even if what I wrote was merely an account of my day, it felt cathartic to release my thoughts by way of ink on a page. These days, the words I write are still grounded in my daily life, but over the past few years, my musings have evolved into deeper observations and contemplations about life and the world around me.
When I look back on previous journal entries, I feel a profound, yet lovely sense of connection to my past self. As humans, we naturally forget memories (both from the significant and mundane moments in our lives). Over time, as my memories of thoughts, feelings, and experiences fade into remnants, I can no longer recall the true nature of these precious souvenirs of my life; having a written record of my life feels like I’ve created a repository of memories separate from those stored in my mind—a perpetual record. And as they are inscribed on paper—words cemented by ink—I know that even if my memories of those times have faded, the words are a sincere reflection of what I felt and experienced at that time of my life.
The current chapter I am living in feels meaningful in many ways, which I think is why I felt particularly compelled to create Chapters of Holly at this time of my life.
I sometimes wonder if other people also find life to be a perpetual flow of thoughts, feelings, and emotions through our minds which create so many curiosities we feel the need to seek answers to, or, at the very least, express? I wonder this because I am curious about how others navigate through all of it. As someone who thinks and feels very deeply, I often find myself surrounded by ineffable thoughts and feelings; writing is my outlet for releasing and expressing my perceptions of life. When I feel myself becoming too absorbed or overwhelmed by thoughts, I write. When I feel particularly strongly about something, or wish to document an experience or feeling, I write. Thousands of pages later, I still feel there is so much I wish to convey.
As time passes, I feel myself acquiring a better understanding of the importance of written words; when you are a person with profoundly emotional responses to the world around you, writing your contemplations, emotions, and encounters allows you to express your inherent feelings and find meaningful connections with other people. Knowing there is someone else in this world who feels or experiences in a similar way to you can be of great comfort. The human condition is something we all experience, so with the notion of connecting to other people in mind, I have decided to document my version of life.
Chapters of Holly is a collection of my observations, thoughts, feelings, and experiences about the world; it is the inner contemplations of my mind in written form.
It was inspired by my closest friend, who is a writer, and who encouraged me to share my experiences of life with the world. This same friend once told me that I ‘cherish every single emotion’; I feel that I am always trying to find the balance between allowing my thoughts to exist in the capacity they wish to be felt, versus letting them hold too much space in my mind. Either way, I realised that the way I ‘cherish’ emotions—which just wish to be felt—is through writing.
Though I may only be one human amongst billions, I hope these writings about my life—my ponderings and interpretations of the world and life in general—may bring some semblance of comfort to you, the reader.
So, from one curious human to another, I sincerely hope you find some meaningful connections amidst these contemplations of my life.
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